I don’t consider myself one that likes to male bash, we all know that I talk about everybody equally in my stand up, but recently I have been seeing the most RANDON and RIDICULOUS posts from some of the fellas on the net. So for this one I’d like to STAND UP for my ladies since they seem to be the constant topic of some of these busted ass dudes’ posts on FB, Twitter and etc…
Here we go…and if this doesn’t apply to you, it’s not for you. So read and enjoy because you too know what I am talking about.
ONE: I often see some of these most unattractive men in the world (no scratch that) THE FREAKIN UNIVERSE having the highest bar for how a woman needs to look. Sir, I think you should get rid of your titties first, get a good grasp on a solid teeth whitening system and get those chopping blocks you call feet under control and severely moisturized before you make any demands on a lady. It amazes me how some of you think that because you have on some new jeans, sneakers, a button down (ala Jay-Z) and took a shower in designer cologne that WE DON’T KNOW what’s under there. Come on man!
By the way if would not have an entertainment industry job NO ONE would care what you would want in a woman, it would be just like it was in high school for you.
TWO: You say you want a woman that cooks, that is obvious by the way you look. You look cute in your clothes but when you’re naked you can make a stomach turn being built like that. I am all for cooking a good meal but can I ask you as candidly as you ask me “If I can cook”….DO YOU WORK OUT? Because I’d like to see some Cardio in your future, after all this is an exchange, right? Chances are if you are over 30 and you didn’t run a 4.4 in the 4o back in the day, the future doesn’t look so bright for you ,does it? So put the plate down and put on those sexy Dre Beats headphones and take yourself on a little trip to the nearest park a run a few laps.
THREE: You are tired of hearing that she was a model or she has a job in the biz. There are two things I want to address here because you MotherFoggahs need to stop.
A. How many men are constantly lying about how they were star athletes in high school or the classic ” I made it to the NBA but got that ‘knee injury’ and now I am starting my own business”. YOU DO IT TOO! That’s why it bothers you so much, some of ya’ll are like me TALL FOR NO REASON or TOO TALL FOR YOUR JOB (pick one).
B. Last I checked all of these so called “models” and industry chicks are some of the most sought after women I see. Though you are always talking about the ladies you competition driven bastards love to recycle them! Isn’t Antoine Walker’s baby’s mama engaged to Ocho Cinco? YES and I can name countless women that you guys dis that are high on the “DEMAND” chain. Kim Kardashian is a lot of things but single ain’t one of em. So somebody must like it? I suspect you would too, if you had access.
FOUR: (and I’m gonna stop at FIVE because this might be too much to handle) You say you want an intelligent woman yet you can’t spell, your grammar is poor, your subjects and verbs don’t agree. Verbally, you are what we call the antithesis (definition here) of Cornell West. Would you like an intelligent woman so that she can teach you? Because if that’s the case I get it, but if it’s not then HOW DARE YOU? You know how hard it is to roll around with someone that you can’t really have an intelligent conversation with? Man, if your idea of being deep is figuring out Who REALLY killed Biggie, we should find out and have them kill you!
FIVE: You want to be involved with a woman that NO ONE has been involved with YET you have slept with EVERYONE. How does that work? You guys love to tell who you’ve been with and how you “got that” but you neglect to tell the part about how you cried on her voicemail and CALLED 27 times in 1 day OR how you parked outside of her house and well you know the story, because YOU did it. You dudes love to gossip and tell your stories just like little pimple popping girlies. Every time you think that we are being ruled by the double standard and are afraid that you are going to tell, KNOW those of us that are solid don’t care and we do the same! We are talking about how you didn’t come through and how you whine too much or how you are too clingy…sound familiar?
I wrote this for my plus 3o MEN that are always dissing women over 30 and find comfort in dating girls closer to their daughters’ ages because they don’t want to grow up! Yes some women are assholes and don’t have their shit together but most of you that act this way were raised by them. So if you are OVER 3o and are still walking around announcing your “SWAG” levels, declaring that you “Pop Bottles”, have on something my little brother would wear, listen to music in your car while scaring the white people and have a vocabulary that a Lemur would scoff at… sit your ass down till you grow up!