I wondered if I was the only one that noticed that I wasn’t on stage last night. The thought that I was, is what makes me want to take pain killers in abundance. It is so hard to just be a regular human when you’re a comic, I’ve been trying it this week. Let me take you through my day.
I woke up early, like most civilized humans that have to work.
I ate breakfast, I never do that, this is why I have excess fat around my waist.
I went outside and people were smiling, WTF is that?
I walked around and realized that I didn’t have shit to do because I haven’t booked a TV job, something about them not looking for 5’10 Puerto Rican/Domincans.
I wrote some jokes that I actually hated and threw the notebook away.
I walked around some more and realized that I wasn’t going anywhere because I was in a room.
I hate people.
I checked the headlines. Yup, Donald Trump still hates people that don’t look like him, Mark Rubio thinks Vancouver is in America and Sarah Palin’s daughter is a blogger and not a star of an MTV show.
I walked around some more and then headed to do my podcast (like most winners do).
I ate a salad, I hate them more than people.
I went to the UPS store and marveled at the guy who works there explain the different types of tape and their upsides. I wanted to crash into the glass head first, but opted not to.
I had sushi for dinner at Katana and wanted to jump over the balcony when I realized that the people at the table next to me were discussing the benefits of Botox.
I hate people.
I got in the car and raced to the nearest bed so that the day could be over and then I realized that I was having a major melt down because I was not on a stage.