The Battle with Food Continues!

Food is great!  I hate food!  This is the internal battle that I’ve been having with food since I was a kid.  It really all started with a consciousness that I had never had about eating healthy, then my family jumped off at “Seventh Day Adventism” during their religious tour. Though, I wasn’t cool with giving up my earrings, pants and Saturday cartoons, I was not that bothered by not ever having to eat a disgusting ham steak ever again.  We gave up pork and this made me happy because I never really ate it without feeling disgusting and guilty afterwards, sorry guys.

Today I am on a juice fast and I continue to think about why I am constantly on a rollercoaster with this, when I do these things for my health, allegedly.  I can’t deny that the weight loss sometimes drives me and pulls me through when that Spinach, Kale and Chard juice is looking me right in the eye.  I mean who are we kidding, most women are constantly being reminded of how they should look more times over than how they should feel.  So a good “Juice Fast” is a great way to diet under the pretenses that you are really fighting for good health. COME ON, let’s be real with each other.

It sucks that what is being done to our food, environment and selves can be deadly in the name of profit, I used to enjoy a FRENCH FRY!  I say all of this to say my friends, that I will be juicing on and off for the next two years and I am not happy about it.  I want to eat a burger, but I honestly can’t, because meat makes me extremely sick (it’s pretty unfair).  Kale chips suck ass and green juice does NOT taste good to me, but crab legs are amazingly delicious, and sometimes I can’t cope!  Too much?

Battling with self destructive eating disorders are pretty common and unfortunately many of us do not know that we are in that battle.  It has a lot to do with constant images of these adolescent boy-body built women they continue to push on us as the standard of beauty. I can only speak on it from where I stand, but I honestly remember admiring my grandmother and being comfortable with growing into an old lady and being awesome.  Now, all I am reminded of is how I need to look and stay young forever.  Shit, that’s a whole lot of work for a goal that can never be accomplished.

I’m ranting because I’m hungry, I want to go to PF Chang’s, my favorite Cuban restaurant and McDonald’s all at once.  These are all of the things that I crave when I feel deprived, that I don’t normally eat, but this damn Kale can really get to you.

In closing, keep your head up (especially my ladies), trust me,  you are beautiful just the way you are.  Doing anything to improve your health is a great thing, it’s OK to be honest about dropping a few pounds being a motivator.  Just don’t get carried away and become a slave to this like I have for years!  It’s not worth it, life is worth living and you honestly deserve that french fry every once in a while!

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Oh Baby I like it RAW: DAY 4

Day 4 was interesting for me, I shook things up a little, I get bored easily.  I started my day with another juice, this time carrots, apples and ginger (Phew, that apple makes a world of a difference).  I have a fitness training app on my phone that gives me different work outs and I decided to do one for 30 minutes.  I thought it was going to be a joke because I was doing this with my phone, but the joke was on me:  my AZZ hurts!  It was circuit training (plyometric exercises that make your ass hurt) and all of the exercises were timed.  I had my fruits and veggies during the day, cashews were my snack of choice and it was all good.  For dinner TADA…I had Raw Nachos from my local favorite raw restaurant and raw ice cream, yeah you read that right.    The ice cream was absolutely DELICIOUS!  As a matter of fact, I am still day dreaming about it now.  Check out the pic below, this is how I imagine it.

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Absolute DeliciousNESS!

The Ugly Truth! Detox day 2

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Today was day 2 of my detox and I gotta tell you (as the above picture shows) it got ugly.  I didn’t do so well eating completely raw and my workout was, as they say in New York, nervous!!!  I did half of an Ab workout and quit, I was so weak.  I ate some noodles and popcorn (THIS IS SO NOT GOOD), but I have to keep it 100.  So I tried to balance out the day by drinking lots of water and not eating anything else that wasn’t raw.

There’s is nothing to do but move forward and be real about where we stand.  I could lie to you but the scale would tell me the TRUTH!  I will admit that today I wished that I was in a live game of “Candy Land” so that I could delight in endless gumdrops, peppermints and lollipops.  I know that it’s the addiction to toxins in my body that call for these and am gearing up for the battle.  Now, I will pick myself up by my cross trainers and hit the beat, yet again.  I HAVE A GOAL and it does not entail having a tire between my chest and knees.  Let’s keep going, I promise, tomorrow will be better!

Happy New Year!!! 2013: Let’s Get It Right

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Disclaimer: This is not a resolution, I have decided to challenge myself and I’m inviting you to join me in doing the same.

The deadline is set, 30 days to a better me! A few years ago we did an awesome herbal detox and fitness challenge via Facebook and over 500 of you joined me in the name of HEALTH!
We’ll be documenting our progress via Instagram and I’ll post blog entries along the way letting it all hang out, literally. I am tired of not being in the shape that I want to be in, EFF!  what everyone else says.  What do YOU think about those love handles and having to turn at a certain angle to get the “right” picture for Instagram?

My goal is to be in ultimate shape which for me means toning my entire body, healthy above all else, creating and maintaining good body karma. My measurable goals are to lose 15 lbs., 5 % body fat and 4 inches off of my hips and waist.

What are your goals for a better you?  Please feel free to share them here in the comments or on Instagram tag me in your pictures @FunnyAida/#FunnyAida. I look forward to reposting your inspirational journeys.

FOOD:  I will be doing a 21 day herbal detox that will consists of taking herbs and eating raw.

EXERCISE: Pilates, Yoga, Cardio and Zumba.

ALSO: 8 Hours of sleep, 64 ounces of water daily, reading and being creative and embracing all things positive.

Excited? When do we start?  For me, immediately, there is work to be done.  Feel free to join me at any time by tagging me in your pictures & sharing your goals. DAY 1, is always the toughest.  Let’s go!!!

 
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Same Thing Make You Laugh, Make You Cry!

Every Comedian has their foundation, mine is rooted in the pain of self destructive eating habits.  I have had an eventful life and as part of my journey I had a stop in the world of modeling.  Being 14, standing 5’10 and being ethnic during a time when it was fashionable, granted me an opportunity to explore the world of fashion.  An interesting world that is dominated by gay men setting the bar for what a woman should look like; the skinnier the better!  No wonder the white models look like Orlando Bloom and the black ones, Amistad.

There I was at an age when I was still in development, one thing was for sure, that my Puerto Rican/Dominican hips were going nowhere.  They were handed to me through my genes and would forever affect my ability to find jeans.

Nothing has changed, last year three models lost their battle with anorexia and were taken from the world very young.  So as I tell my story with a punchline attached, I feel that if there is no cause attached to what I am saying, I am really saying nothing.   I get many emails from women that feel my pain, every day women that feel that pressure to meet this ridiculous standard set by the magnificent people at Vogue and Elle.

This Is Who I Will Never Be!

I will never be a size 4 again, this used to make me cry and sometimes still does.  I have been told by agents, managers and industry folks that I should lose more weight and the curse of “thinner” continues.  So, I tell jokes about it and my vengeance is reflected in my set.  I want to release the everyday woman of this farce that these people actually look like this without any help.  It’s easy to have a flat stomach after 4 kids when you can afford a plastic surgeon to be in the delivery room.  It’s easy to maintain your weight when you have a personal chef and trainer.  And even when you have those things, there is this reality that your body gravitates to its natural body weight whether you like it or not, hence Oprah.  And what is wrong with that?  Nothing, I am sure Oprah only loses sleep for her quite lucrative work!

No preaching here…ladies this is my tribute to you.  Claim your life, embrace your true you and remember you are your prettiest when you are being you!  I will continue to fight the good fight, one mic at a time.

*** “I’ve been in overeaters anonymous for a couple decades – i used to be a dancer and the hell of body obsession and obsession with being a size zero (which is impossible for my body type anyway) drove me insane. seeing you up on stage and how goddess-like you are brings me one step further to loving “what is” about myself. after 19 years of not bingeing, the body obsession still lingers. yet “keeping it real” like you do, helps me look in the mirror and smile.”  Anonymous
*** As a 5’11” former model who said she quit the industry because she “got tired of being hungry all the time,” Aida had a physical grace and elegance that made for an interesting contrast with her brash, outspoken comedic style.  On topics ranging from her Puerto Rican heritage to her experiences in the modeling industry to a hilarious reinterpretation of Memoirs of a Geisha, Aida Rodriguez’s no holds barred style of comedy kept the audience roaring.  An especially striking feature of Aida’s performance was the way she immediately drew the audience into her and infused us with her own energy. –Niclole Force, The Examiner

Seven Dollars and Thirty Eight Cents

I have a few vices in life, some which I can’t mention aloud, and then there’s the French Fry thing.  I LOVE Fries, it is my one and only motivation in life to do Cardio.  NO! I don’t care if the person serving them has no teeth, no manicure and a tattoo of Lucifer on their wrist, I want the fries in spite of the Hepatitis risk.

Strolling through the Del Mar Fair I spot this most interesting little European Fry stand and they have quite the selection.  I don’t mind the quarter of a mile long line made up of plus size women that appear to be in a hurry, man this line is volatile. I want the Shoe String Garlic and Chives deal, my mouth waters as the angry lady next to me “accidently” elbows me in right rib cage…she is serious about this line and getting to those fries.

After almost 30 minutes and the regaining of my wind, I finally make it to the front and in a kindergarten fashion can say “it’s my turn”  I’m  ready to order this little container of heaven.  “One order of the shoestring fries with Chives and Garlic please”.  She kindly responds,  “That will be Seven Dollars and Thirty Eight Cents.”  Surely, she can’t be talking to me so I clarify, “Sorry, but I am only having one order.” And she reiterates, “Yes and that is going to be Seven Dollars and Thirty Eight Cents“.

I stop and think to myself , am going to allow the obese bitch within to disregard the broke bitch without and pay seven fucking dollars for some potatoes that a dingy broad from abroad fried in yesterday’s grease???  Needless to say I just ate some fries that I peeled and made myself that cost $1.49 for the bag and they tasted every bit of Seven Dollars and Thirty Eight Cents!

Fat girls don’t work, or do they?

After not being able to work out for almost 2 years due to a horrible working out back injury I lost 18 lbs.! I was the heaviest I had ever been without child and decided that if I wanted to work, I’d better do something quick.  I started to eat differently and workout little by little so that I could land that TV gig, I have been dreaming about.  Then I start looking around and noticed that there is a wave of weighty working women in Hollywood and I think to myself: “Damn, did I miss it again?”  What the hell have I been starving myself and doing all of this working out for?  Keep me posted Hollywood.