Little GIRL Lost!

I used to believe that I was adopted, I mean, really believe it to my core. I endured some of the(eee) most backwards shit as a kid, and every single transgression had a gross justification. Take this picture for example, there are two very wrong things going on here. That look on my face is not just depair and disdain, it is also deeply rooted in shame.

Lou Diamond Phillips

I used to have this green jumper, that was offensive, not just to those that had to witness it, but to my vag area. I was a tall kid and this outfit just didn’t fit, it was too short and it downright hurt my “Cu-Co” (as grandma would call it). My mother loved this thing for some reason, as you can see her proudly accessorizing it with Mr. Roper’s scarf.

MESSAGE: Don’t do this to your tall kids, it shits on their self-esteem and more importantly, their self-assessment.

Alright, let’s get to the more obvious. Why the hell do I have a haircut that speaks more to the military than it does to the first grade? Simple: some Latin folk believe that cutting your daughter’s hair, makes it grow back stronger. I really wish I had a better reason like I caught lice at school or had finished my chemo, but no,  this was my mother following the directions of her elders on how to get my hair in that “Head and Shoulders” commercial condition.

So, what do you get when you dress your 6 year old girl in a Soul Train outfit and give her a buzz cut? A baby Lou Diamond Phillips!

The Battle with Food Continues!

Food is great!  I hate food!  This is the internal battle that I’ve been having with food since I was a kid.  It really all started with a consciousness that I had never had about eating healthy, then my family jumped off at “Seventh Day Adventism” during their religious tour. Though, I wasn’t cool with giving up my earrings, pants and Saturday cartoons, I was not that bothered by not ever having to eat a disgusting ham steak ever again.  We gave up pork and this made me happy because I never really ate it without feeling disgusting and guilty afterwards, sorry guys.

Today I am on a juice fast and I continue to think about why I am constantly on a rollercoaster with this, when I do these things for my health, allegedly.  I can’t deny that the weight loss sometimes drives me and pulls me through when that Spinach, Kale and Chard juice is looking me right in the eye.  I mean who are we kidding, most women are constantly being reminded of how they should look more times over than how they should feel.  So a good “Juice Fast” is a great way to diet under the pretenses that you are really fighting for good health. COME ON, let’s be real with each other.

It sucks that what is being done to our food, environment and selves can be deadly in the name of profit, I used to enjoy a FRENCH FRY!  I say all of this to say my friends, that I will be juicing on and off for the next two years and I am not happy about it.  I want to eat a burger, but I honestly can’t, because meat makes me extremely sick (it’s pretty unfair).  Kale chips suck ass and green juice does NOT taste good to me, but crab legs are amazingly delicious, and sometimes I can’t cope!  Too much?

Battling with self destructive eating disorders are pretty common and unfortunately many of us do not know that we are in that battle.  It has a lot to do with constant images of these adolescent boy-body built women they continue to push on us as the standard of beauty. I can only speak on it from where I stand, but I honestly remember admiring my grandmother and being comfortable with growing into an old lady and being awesome.  Now, all I am reminded of is how I need to look and stay young forever.  Shit, that’s a whole lot of work for a goal that can never be accomplished.

I’m ranting because I’m hungry, I want to go to PF Chang’s, my favorite Cuban restaurant and McDonald’s all at once.  These are all of the things that I crave when I feel deprived, that I don’t normally eat, but this damn Kale can really get to you.

In closing, keep your head up (especially my ladies), trust me,  you are beautiful just the way you are.  Doing anything to improve your health is a great thing, it’s OK to be honest about dropping a few pounds being a motivator.  Just don’t get carried away and become a slave to this like I have for years!  It’s not worth it, life is worth living and you honestly deserve that french fry every once in a while!


You Can Do It!

Whatever it is that you are trying to accomplish begins with you.  I love films,  acting and comedy so I create my own way.  I have made movies on budgets that are unspeakable, and still they are completed.  No better film school or training ground other than to actually do it. 

“Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams!”


Here we go, farewell to another year!  I would say glorious, but I don’t know if I could sincerely use that word.  This year was a tough one for me, containing some of the most valuable lessons, those lessons that knock the wind out of you.  I lost two of the most important people in my life that truly shaped who I am today and I am forever changed.  Up until then, I remember complaining about not getting enough work, people not liking me, forces trying to hold me back and then one sobering moment made it all suddenly unimportant, the perspective of what life is about for me was staring me in the face.

While most will resolve to lose weight, be better with money, get that magical job or whatever it is that is weighing on their hearts, I have but one resolution:  to embrace who I am and accept it.  From self-acceptance all good things grow, it is the one thing we are programmed not to do.

I have learned some very interesting things about myself that I was not able to face at one point because they go against the grain.   I release that and will share a few of the lessons that I have compiled along the way, they keep coming I hear.

I have a strong point of view and am very opinionated. This does not mean I’m an angry woman, am bitter or have been damaged.  Of course, I’ve experienced all of these things, who hasn’t?  That is not what my POV is born of.  I will not apologize for loving myself, respecting my people, embracing my journey and educating myself on life …that is what makes me who I AM!

I can be silly, I am immature and I have a long way to go.  As much as I think I know, there is a world of things I have yet to encounter.  This makes life a splendor; I am excited about learning everyday!  There are some areas where I really need to grow, I am human and that is a beautiful thing, not a deficit.

Every person in your life does not deserve a permanent pass. Let’s face it, some people serve as the best lessons in life, that doesn’t mean they are entitled to your forever.  The best favor you can ever give someone in your life that contributes to or shares in your misery is a departure.

Being alone is a gift! How can I work within any system, if I can’t exist on my own?  I have learned some of the most beautiful things about myself in solitude.  I have also been afforded the time and space to work on the things that are not so beautiful so that I can be an asset when I do join a partnership.  Don’t be afraid to be alone, the most important love affair in life you will ever enjoy is the one with yourself.

Your life space is a library. As abrasive as it may sound, people belong in categories…in your life!  This does not mean you have the right to discriminate against others as people, just as the people in your life.  I find that it is quite healthy to compartmentalize, everyone is not worthy of occupancy in that space around your heart.  Some people will just be those that you can have coffee with twice a year, and those two encounters will be great and enriching of your life.  What’s wrong with that? Nothing!  Everyone can’t be a part of your day to day, that is reserved for the your constants, not your variables.

I hope that some of these words can be helpful for you, as my discoveries continue to grow, so does my perspective.  I am in no way calling myself anything other than an expert in my life and am willing to share.  Take this New Year into your hands and create the year that you want, make yourself choose happiness even when it doesn’t show up as an option.  I know that those that I lost expect nothing but the best for and from me, therefore I will honor them by going back everyday to do my best and be my best self!  I wish you nothing but success and a year full of amazing decision.  After all, it is my fundamental belief that the Universe agrees with a made up mind.  God Bless you all.



In Vegas, Making Magic!

Vegas, the place where you are reminded of people like Wayne Newton, Sammy Davis Jr. and Bugsy in addition to call girls, compulsive gamblers and professional dirtbags.  I am reminded of comedy on a consistent basis and cannot deny that I feel like a complete star every time I reach the stage.


I have been kicking it with another Vegas regular (Gallagher), as we have been exploring the wonders of languages, his and mine!  It was a great preparation for the experience I had today when a security guard mistook me for a Vegas prostitute, alas I have arrived!