Little GIRL Lost!

I used to believe that I was adopted, I mean, really believe it to my core. I endured some of the(eee) most backwards shit as a kid, and every single transgression had a gross justification. Take this picture for example, there are two very wrong things going on here. That look on my face is not just depair and disdain, it is also deeply rooted in shame.

Lou Diamond Phillips

I used to have this green jumper, that was offensive, not just to those that had to witness it, but to my vag area. I was a tall kid and this outfit just didn’t fit, it was too short and it downright hurt my “Cu-Co” (as grandma would call it). My mother loved this thing for some reason, as you can see her proudly accessorizing it with Mr. Roper’s scarf.

MESSAGE: Don’t do this to your tall kids, it shits on their self-esteem and more importantly, their self-assessment.

Alright, let’s get to the more obvious. Why the hell do I have a haircut that speaks more to the military than it does to the first grade? Simple: some Latin folk believe that cutting your daughter’s hair, makes it grow back stronger. I really wish I had a better reason like I caught lice at school or had finished my chemo, but no,  this was my mother following the directions of her elders on how to get my hair in that “Head and Shoulders” commercial condition.

So, what do you get when you dress your 6 year old girl in a Soul Train outfit and give her a buzz cut? A baby Lou Diamond Phillips!

Happy New Year!!! 2013: Let’s Get It Right

LBLF 2

Disclaimer: This is not a resolution, I have decided to challenge myself and I’m inviting you to join me in doing the same.

The deadline is set, 30 days to a better me! A few years ago we did an awesome herbal detox and fitness challenge via Facebook and over 500 of you joined me in the name of HEALTH!
We’ll be documenting our progress via Instagram and I’ll post blog entries along the way letting it all hang out, literally. I am tired of not being in the shape that I want to be in, EFF!  what everyone else says.  What do YOU think about those love handles and having to turn at a certain angle to get the “right” picture for Instagram?

My goal is to be in ultimate shape which for me means toning my entire body, healthy above all else, creating and maintaining good body karma. My measurable goals are to lose 15 lbs., 5 % body fat and 4 inches off of my hips and waist.

What are your goals for a better you?  Please feel free to share them here in the comments or on Instagram tag me in your pictures @FunnyAida/#FunnyAida. I look forward to reposting your inspirational journeys.

FOOD:  I will be doing a 21 day herbal detox that will consists of taking herbs and eating raw.

EXERCISE: Pilates, Yoga, Cardio and Zumba.

ALSO: 8 Hours of sleep, 64 ounces of water daily, reading and being creative and embracing all things positive.

Excited? When do we start?  For me, immediately, there is work to be done.  Feel free to join me at any time by tagging me in your pictures & sharing your goals. DAY 1, is always the toughest.  Let’s go!!!

 
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GOOGLE ME, BITCH!

My name is Aida Rodriguez, a very common name for Latin women world-wide.  How do I know this?  Because I, like most people in the world, Google myself to see what comes up.  Not only did I find out some interesting things about myself on the net, I also learned what many of my fellow namesakes are doing in the world to keep the name spicy.

Here’s what we found:

There is a woman who has decided to bring honor and justice to our name.  She is an “Attorney at Law”, ooh, makes me feel not as big in the world.  I actually think that she and I kinda do the same thing:  we both put on a performance, hope to get some laughs and convince our audience to side with us.  She’s the fancy pants of the “Aida Rodriguez” operation and seems to have an office in a really good neighborhood, unlike my apartment building.

“Aida Rodriguez has passed away!”  A blog post reads, and I have to tell you that it was pretty sad to see me go.  Good to know that she made a good name for us in the great state of Pennsylvania.  She was loved by many and was an amazing spirit, at least that’s what the blog says.  Makes me wonder if this is true, or just the stuff people say after someone dies.  She, apparently was good for cooking and inviting people from the community over for a meal.  I do that too,  but you must provide wine and spirits.  RIP Aida, thanks for making a good name for us.

I also found some bad girls wearing the “Aida Rodriguez” badge and I gotta tell you that I don’t know if I want to mention those bitches right now because I am a bit disappointed  BUT we gotta take the good with the bad.

Aida Rodriguez –Wanted in Arizona for purposely giving her partners (yes, plural) the Herpes virus.  When they catch her, we need to have a talk.  I think I am going to request a name change.

And finally, the Aida Rodriguez  whose picture on Google Images had a promoter questioning my funny.  She is in jail for a home invasion in my native Florida, she looks like she is no joke!  I have provided a photo,  YOU  tell me what you think.

God always finds a way to keep me humbled, this is the one instance where I am not so happy about it.  See, I could never indulge in the infamous attitudinal “Google Me Bitch” because truly it might end up in me never getting a phone call again, ever!